Conversation Ladder

Set up

1. Choose a ladder from the host view or a printed card. Each has a theme and three rungs.
2. Say the two ground rules aloud: anyone may pass, with no explanation; and what is said at the table is answered with interest, not advice.
3. Pick a starting player for the first rung. Starting with the host shows how short an answer can be.

How the game ends

A ladder is finished when everyone has answered or passed on the third rung. Two ladders are plenty for one dinner — one between starter and main course, one with dessert. Stop while people still have things they want to say; the conversation will carry on without the game.

Playing seated

Played seated by default. It is designed for a table and never requires moving.

Tips for the host

• Be the first to pass at some point in the evening. It proves that passing really is allowed.
• Discourage advice-giving and topping one story with another on the third rung. A simple "thank you" between answers keeps the tone warm.
• Choose ladders to suit the room. With new acquaintances, use themes such as food, places and small pleasures.
• If a rung falls flat, move straight on to the next. Do not ask the table to analyse why.

Variations

Pairs first. On the second and third rungs, guests answer to a neighbour for two minutes before anyone speaks to the whole table. It suits quieter groups and makes longer tables workable.

Build your own ladder. One guest names a theme, and the three people to their left invent the rungs, each making the question a little more thoughtful than the one before. It works best after the group has climbed one prepared ladder.

Starter ideas: Ladders

• Meals: What did you eat for breakfast as a child? → What dish can you make without a recipe, and who taught you? → What meal would you like to share again, and with whom?
• Places: Where is the furthest you have been from here? → What place felt like home sooner than you expected? → Where would you like to take everyone at this table?
• Work: What was your first paid job? → What is the best thing a colleague or teacher ever did for you? → What kind of work makes you lose track of time?
• Small pleasures: What is your favourite hot drink? → What ordinary thing reliably improves your day? → What small pleasure have you only learned to notice recently?
• Learning: What was your favourite subject at school? → What have you taught yourself as an adult? → What would you still like to learn, and what is stopping you?
• Seasons: Which season do you like best? → What is a seasonal ritual you never miss? → Which time of year makes you most thoughtful, and why?
• Home: How many homes have you lived in? → Which room of a past home do you remember best? → What makes a place feel like yours?
• Friendship: How did you meet your oldest friend? → What is a small thing a friend did that you still remember? → What have you learned about being a good friend?
• Music: What was the first music you bought or chose? → What song takes you back to a particular moment? → What music would you play to explain yourself to a stranger?
• Celebrations: What is your favourite kind of cake? → What is a celebration you remember from childhood? → What do you think makes a gathering feel special?
• Time: Are you usually early or late? → When did an hour last pass without you noticing? → What would you do with one extra day each month?
• Journeys: Car, train, bicycle or on foot? → What is a journey you remember more than the destination? → What is a road you did not take that you still wonder about?